Soul Mates

I began writing this post on Valentine's Day - a day celebrating Love. Thought it only appropriate since I lost my beloved brother a few weeks ago - found it too hard though and gave up for a while...now I'm back home in Singapore and trying to finish what I started...am relying on my Bro to give me the courage I need to remember him with Happiness - he would have wanted that - lots of laughs and minimal fuss - that was my brother, my soul mate.

I have never understood why the term 'soul mate' is generally used in reference to romantic relationships; just as I have never understood why the love between a mother and her child is considered to be the strongest, deepest form of human love there is, as though the love in all other relationships is somehow lesser. I don't agree with either of the two assumptions - I just think love is different in different relationships - not lesser, greater, deeper or shallower - just different...equal but different.

As for 'soul mates', I just lost mine - my brother, Amey, all of 28, my hero, my confidante, my soul mate. It's hard for me to find words that describe him - brave, funny, wise, silly, handsome come to mind; harder still to sit at his PC, from where he spoke to me almost everyday for the last 3years. But I have this emotional maelstrom inside me that needs an out - an escape - or else I fear my heart will burst into a million pieces and never again be whole.

The words of a favourite Michael Bolton song (an old favourite of both his & mine) come to mind...
"Tell me how am I supposed to live without you,
Now that I've been lovin' you so long,
How am I supposed to live without you,
How am I supposed to carry on,
When all that I've been livin' for is gone"
That's how I feel inside and out - how does one survive the loss of a soul mate? How does one fill the empty spaces left behind - at the dinner table, while watching TV and listening to music, in one's heart and soul?

Some days, it's too painful to think of him; on others, too painful not to. Nothing seems quite the same anymore and yet suddenly it seems like nothing has changed - he'll come online at 3.30 pm , like he always did, if I just wait long enough, and we'll be discussing the latest Bollywood movie or the latest exploits of the Indian cricket team (we both adore MSD!) or venting about Indian politics and the Iraq war, the stupidity of Americans in general and Bush in particular, or going gaga over Sukhi's (that's what he liked to call Sukhwinder Singh!) latest song! All favourite topics of conversation on which we usually agreed to disagree :) I'm going to miss all of that and so much more...

But for all my pain and my feelings of loneliness and despair at his loss, I'm Happy, yes, Happy for him, cause now he's FREE - free of pain and physical limitations - to be the Spirit he was born to be!

He blessed me with his presence in my life for 28 golden years and he was the BEST brother I could have wished for - still is - cause isn't that what they say - "When you lose someone you love, You have an angel you know!"

So Here's To You, Babloo - My Brother, My Angel, My Soul Mate...

Love You Hamesha Bro - I could go with the traditional 'Rest In Peace' but what I really want to say is - Enjoy!! Have A Blast!! Rock On!!

The Big 4O!

Can't escape it, not anymore! It's here! Well, it will be in a week - exactly 7 days from now - I will enter the 4th decade of my life!! When I think in terms of decades - the number still seems small :P
I mean 4 vs 40...come on - work with me here ;)

Seriously speaking - don't think it will be any different than turning 24 say or 37, or any age, for that matter. I thought it would - honestly, I was prepared for some earth-shattering insights into the world, humanity, my self! No such luck! The world, humanity and self all continue to feel and act much as they did when I was 37 - except of course the US just elected a black man to be President ;)
Aah...maybe this is a watershed year after all :P

No complaints though - 2008 has been a fantastic year :) Have had two 'fantabulous' trips each - to Europe and the US, work has been rewarding, friends have been supportive and family, loving! And now, here I am on the threshold of a new beginning - a time of change as I prepare for a new and challenging role - that of a mother. It's one I'm unused to and didn't particularly hanker after. One that made it's way into my psyche, gradually, hesitantly, cautiously. And yet, now it seems firmly entrenched in my heart and soul - am nervous but not panicky, well not yet anyway!! Maybe when the toilet-training begins - my friends have been very helpful - painting vivid pictures :P

And so I guess for me, what they say about turning 40 is true in a way - Life begins at 40 - and so it will for me - or at least, it will take off in a new direction, one that I am looking forward to :)

All this fuss over turning 40, got me to thinking about Life in general and decades in particular. Isn't that what everyone that's turning 40 is supposed to do? Ponder their life so far and plan for how they are going to make it more meaningful in the future? Well I'm not one for introspection - maybe it's cause - all things considered - I've had a pretty great Life! Don't really have any major regrets - that's not to say that Life hasn't been tough, yes it has, but nothing I couldn't handle with the love and support of family and friends.

Speaking of decades, my first was fabulous - had a dreamy childhood, especially the 4 years spent in Japan, where I was first introduced to cartoons and colour television - Kid Heaven! The Teen years were, for lack of a better word, 'typical', full of angst, mood swings and craziness - my Mom will agree - made her cry many tears, I did! Sorry Mom! Through it all - managed to get through 5 years of Medical school, make the 'best friend' a girl could possibly have and find the 'love of my life'! Not bad for a crazy teen huh??!! The twenties were more of the same - got married to the 'love of my life' though, amidst all the craziness :) In the thirties at last I felt like I had a handle on Life. The craziness was tempered by the small amount of wisdom I had acquired thus far and I began to see a faint light at the end of the tunnel. And now, at 39, in the last year of what has been my favourite decade so far, I can honestly say that I like myself more than I liked myself at any other time in my Life!

Those who know me best, know that I am shy and reserved, even when I seem to be having a ball, that I am perfectly happy to be alone for days on end, that I avoid giving advice like the plague if I can help it(though some of it is pretty great!). that for all my bluster, I lack self-confidence and am not half as brave as I pretend to be, that I still find it hard to start conversation with a stranger and that I love dogs and books infinitely more than I will ever love people!

Since moving to Singapore, I like to think I've gotten better at some of the above! I've started working as an editor, a job that allows me to work with my first love - Books! I truly enjoy it and never in a million years ever thought I would be doing it! My confidence levels have improved and so have my social skills. I still find it hard to make polite conversation with people I dislike - but on the bright side, I don't find the 'need' to be nice to too many people! And I still love dogs and books more than people - but I'm more patient with some humans ;)

I guess what I mean is - I'm just more comfortable in my own skin :) Some people feel the need to grow a new skin when they reach milestones - me, I just like to give the old one a little wiggle now and again, so it fits better! Works for me! It feels right, fits like a dream - a perfectly tailored custom fit! I'm going to hang on to this feeling - I like it and I think it likes me right back - makes me a better person, a better friend, a better me!

And so it's refreshing to think that the 40 years I have walked this planet have not been for nothing! It's been an amazing journey - all those years of memorable and not so memorable moments, lessons learnt, goals achieved, friendships made, love given, love received - I have had all of that and more. Even though I haven't changed the world in a big way, I have tried to better my own tiny universe and for me - that's enough. Life is beautiful - more than I ever imagined possible, more than I thought I deserved...and I am grateful, very grateful to all those that have enriched it with their presence :)


So there...Bring on the big 4O - I'm rearing to go!

Dear Mr.President...

Dear Mr. President,

Congratulations, to you, your family and your country on your historic win! You did it! You finally did it - now the world can breathe again and so can I! You had me worried there for a while - especially when Ms. Palin entered the picture and whipped up such hysterical media-frenzy. I have never seen so much fuss made over so little substance - but such is the world we live in today. Be that as it may, you did it, you did it, you did it!!! Sorry if I sound a bit hysterical myself, I am not - just Happy and Hopeful, well yeah, maybe a little!

For me, your election is one of the defining moments of our times, a full circle moment not only for every African-American but for every human being, simply because of the message it offers - HOPE & FAITH! There is still Hope in this crazy, mad world - and there is renewed Faith now, that every once in a while, us crazy people, are capable of doing the right thing! About time too! Wasn't born when JFK was assassinated and was a just a newborn when man walked on the moon, so am extremely proud to witness history being made today!

I know you're not technically the President yet, but you might as well be, given the governance that your country has suffered through the last 8 years. When you first burst onto the scene 2 years ago, I had never heard of you. Not many Americans had either I'm guessing - and I'm not an American, nor do I live in the US. I'm an Indian doctor currently living in Singapore and my only connection to the US, besides family and friends that live there, is the tiny fact, that my spouse works for an American MNC - Procter & Gamble. So for me - the US economy collapsing the way it did is much more cause for worry than any wars your country chooses to fight, or not! I'm an Indian - wars and terrorism have long been a part of my life, whether I like it or not and I don't.

Something about you intrigued me. Maybe it was your warm spirit and personality, more so in contrast to Hillary's cold efficiency, or the fact that you share a wonderfully close bond with your family, or the dignified manner in which rose above the race issue and spoke only of America and Americans or that you ran a disciplined, positive campaign and surrounded yourself with a great team of advisers, that allowed me to believe you would indeed, make things better. I began to follow the campaign and your integrity and speeches floored me every time - not only the fact that they were extremely well-written (kudos to your speech-writer!) but also the way your eloquence made every word come alive! You believed in your message and that came through when you spoke.

You spoke of unity and change and sacrifice and working together in a bi-partisan manner to heal your country - and yes - I believed you! You came across as level-headed and calm, where your opponents seemed shrill and vindictive. I liked that you warned Americans of the tough road ahead, while still remaining upbeat and positive - cause it will be. A very tough road indeed, but if there is one thing I have learnt from my recent vacation to your fine country - it's that if anyone can make it happen - Americans can!

The days ahead will be challenging, to say the least, and I wish you the Best of Luck for the monumental task ahead. Surround yourself with a loyal, efficient team and most importantly - LISTEN, to your citizens and especially to your detractors. PAY ATTENTION - please don't sleepwalk through your terms in office like President Bush did. LEARN - there's nothing wrong in making a mistake but everything wrong in repeating them over and over.

As a global citizen, I look forward to a wiser, saner, renewed and recharged US of A under your leadership. Once again, please accept my Congratulations on your historic victory! And now all that's left to say - Carpe Diem!

With warm regards and best wishes,
Dr. Harsha Priolkar.

P.S. When in doubt consult Michelle! A huge part of the reason I believe in you and like you as much as I do is Michelle :) Your choice of life partner assures me that you won't screw up completely! I have admired Michelle from the first time I saw her. For her poise and dignity, her intelligence and warmth and most of all for her mix of playfulness and gravitas! She's going to make one hell of a First Lady!

Gandhiji...

I'm not a huge Gandhi fan, never have been. To me, he's always come across as a stubborn, egotistical, selfish man (his vow of celibacy being for me the ultimate example of selfishness), who was often weak when strength was required and had favourites among his followers, just like us lesser mortals! I dislike the way, every time Independence is mentioned, we keep hearing Gandhi rhetoric and non-violence as if he was the only reason, India is today a free nation. Can we truthfully claim, India's Independence came through purely non-violent means?

What of all the hundreds of thousands of freedom-fighters that fought and sacrificed their lives, before him and by his side, anonymous and otherwise? Are Bhagat Singh, Azad and Bose and the countless others not as important? Were Nehru, Jinnah, Azad, Naidu and Patel not politicians of equal eminence in stature, strength and commitment? I believe they were. And yet, they are never given equal importance, rather always referred to as his followers, as if he were a saint and they his disciples! I get uncomfortable when human beings begin to deify one of their own! It upsets my rational self, I suppose! I think India would have gained Independence, with or without Gandhi and that's why this whole 'Mahatma' worship bothers me, more often than not.

It's not his fault of course. No, that dubious distinction belongs to us, the Indian people, and to our politicians, who have made Gandhi, big business! And that's what he has been reduced to these days - Big Bucks! Think of all the money people make, printing posters and commissioning statues! All the mileage, politicians derive out of garlanding those very same pictures and statues! Hollywood made Gandhi and Bollywood went one better, with Gandhi, My Father and the now legend, Lage Raho, Munnabhai!

Gandhi, My Father, was very interesting. I thought it explored very realistically, the troubled relationship between the Mahatma and his oldest son. I was relieved to see that the Mahatma was human after all and made mistakes. Also that he then refused to accept them like all of us do. Rather reassuring that! Lage Raho Munnabhai was a hoot from start to finish! I enjoyed it thoroughly, not only because of a sterling cast and performances, but also for Gandhi's characterization (Dilip Prabhavalkar was excellent!). He seemed 'real' and his ideals 'attainable'. A 21st century Gandhi, a common man's Gandhi! That, I understood, I identified, I rejoiced.

I do believe in non-violence though. Violence of every sort turns me off in a big way. I don't see the point of it and I know for a fact, it solves not a thing! A look around the world is proof enough for me. Man is the only animal on Planet Earth that engages in violence, purely for sport! For pleasure! Frankly it's beyond me - I have other ways of getting high and no they have nothing to do with drugs, sex or alcohol! Well - definitely not drugs! But it seems to me that though the man himself was non-violent and possibly never hurt a fly, his actions in combination with other events, certainly led to one of the most gruesomely, violent events in Indian history - the Partition.

I wonder, how and why a man so great, a Mahatma, has become irrelevant in society today. Yes, Gandhian ideology is still revered and being a Gandhi is certainly an achievement of sorts in India (beats me, as to why!), but seriously speaking - nobody gives a damn! Not the politicians who sing his praises and quote him at every rally, not the Indian people, for whom he was once 'Mahatma' and is now just another name in the history books and not me - though having said that, I did blog!

Hey Ram! Now that he would have understood...

Rock On!!!

Just back, from what for me, is definitely the "Movie of the Year'. I went with high expectations and the movie did not disappoint!

This movie really blew me away with its abundance of TALENT. The script and dialogue - fantastic, the acting - sensitive and controlled, the music - SUPERLATIVE, the editing taut, the direction - apt. A beautifully made movie to be savoured like a fine vintage! The last time I lost it like this over a movie was way back for Dil Chahta Hai - unsurprisingly, Farhan Akhtar's debut as a director! And here he is again - this time with his acting and singing debut - brilliant! Kudos to this young Powerhouse of Talent.

Yet for me the sensitive, angst-ridden Joe, portrayed by Arjun Rampal (looking HOT,HOT, HOT!!) in the performance of a lifetime, is the piece-de-resistance! He becomes Joe Mascarenhas - guitarist par excellence, dreamy, principled, protective and conflicted. Shahana Goswami as Debbie his wife, is the perfect foil to his down-and-out Joe. She's a no-nonsense kind of gal, who's sacrificed her dreams to work in the family fish business, put food on the table and pay the bills, struggling to keep her family afloat. In one of my favourite scenes (there are too many to count!) she's complaining to Joe, "I can never get rid of this damn fish smell from my hands!" Another is when she goes to meet Farhan's character Aditya, to tell him to stop 'spinning-castles-in-the-air' for Joe, 'cause what they need, is for him to have a steady job not unrealistic expectations. "The shards of those broken promises, will affect my life," she says, "my life and my son's, not yours. Please, let him go Aditya." Great scene, great dialogue, great acting!

Luke Kenny and Purab Kohli shine as 'Rob' the keyboard player and 'KD', short for 'Killer Drummer' :) Prachi Desai, whom I previously knew, only as the ever-suffering 'Bani' in the TV serial 'Kasam Se', shows she can indeed act and redeems herself as Sakshi Shroff, Aditya's wife and the catalyst serving to reunite the band, for one last Hurrah. I love the scene where she rather hesistangly, haltingly croons 'Ajeeb Dastaan Hai Ye', while husband Aditya watches, silently supporting her, eyes brimming with pride and love - very sweetly done!

The band is 'Magik', as its members say because, "We're all in it together!" I agree, it's all of them, together, creating movie-magic! This movie renews my faith in 'Bollywood', perhaps all is not lost after all and hope exists while such talent does. It's a good feeling :)

3 Cheers for 'Magik', 3 Cheers for 'Rock On', Hip Hip Hurray!!!

Happy Days...

Sorry this is not about the show - though I worshipped the Fonz - still do!!

Lately my days have been kind of a blur, happily busy with work and friends, until I realized that September is half gone! We're scrambling to get work ready for the Frankfurt Book Fair while not passing up on any opportunities to live it up, which leaves me very little time to blog ;)

Have spent several long days staring at computer screens, editing, trying to find the right words, thoughts, punctuation marks and others, having long relaxed lunches in the company of old friends - alcohol a must of course - wine, mohitos, margaritas - as a friend of mine likes to say - Jolly!!

Yesterday was particularly wonderful - a dear friend's birthday, nine women, stiff margaritas mixed by moi, delicious Mexican food and interestingly diverse conversation - all making for one long, potent celebration of the best kind!! Haven't had as much fun in a long while :)

As an Indian living outside India, removed from family with a manically travelling spouse - my girlfriends are my sanity, my lifeline, my raison d'etre! Life without them is unimaginable! We share laughs, cribs, books, jewellery and clothes! We give freely of ourselves - our homes, food, advice and ideas. Solutions to problems, shoulders to cry on and an extra pair of helping hands - we are all this and more.

A big Thank-you to all my Friends, for enriching my life, renewing my spirit and bringing me happy days!

I dedicate to all the Phenomenal Women who grace my life,one of my favourite poems, by Maya Angelou aptly titled 'Phenomenal Woman'...'cause that's what you are and that's how you will forever stay in my heart!

PHENOMENAL WOMAN

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care.
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

- by Maya Angelou

Girl Power!

Yesterday I attended Avril Lavigne's concert, here in Singapore, a part of the Asian leg of her 'The Best Damn Tour' and boy was it a Revelation!

I am not a major concert-goer. I've been to a couple (Santana and Elton John) courtesy a dear friend, and had a blast, but its not something I do by habit. Santana and Elton John are two all-time favourites and I know their music well. Avril Lavigne on the other hand is not someone I have followed at all, except for the occasional 'Girlfriend'. I knew she was a young teen Phenom and yesterday I got to see just why!!

The venue was full of young girls mostly between ages 9-12 (we ourselves had two aged 9 & 11) dressed in what I'm assuming are the latest teen fashions! Tights with mini-skirts, denim jackets, flip-flops, dark nail polish and pink hair-streaks! They all looked adorable! Many had Avril T-shirts over their outfits and almost all had pink and black flags to wave during the performance, as did we! None of these came cheap, but that didn't seem to matter!

The performance started an hour late and the children waited somewhat patient but fidgety, letting of steam through repeated collective chants of "Avril, Avril, Avril!" She came on at last at 9 pm and I was immediately deafened by the collective roar from thousands of screaming fans!! She launched into 'Girlfriend' and there was no looking back! My friend and I might possibly have been the only two people left sitting in our seats! Everyone else was on their feet - screaming, dancing and singing along.

Right in front of us, was a young girl (she couldn't have been more than 9 yrs old) in denim capris, an over sized black Avril tee and silver guitar earrings. She was obviously a huge fan and knew every word of every song that Avril sang, singing along with her, as did every other girl there including our two! It was amazing to see them sing lyrics, which they were still too young to fully understand and touching to see their devotion to their Idol :-)

Avril didn't disappoint! She was utterly charming, extremely pretty and wonderfully talented! I loved 'When You're Gone', 'Complicated' and 'Happy Ending'. For a moment the little girl's father and I made eye contact as we watched his daughter's joyful celebration in shared amazement and exchanged a knowing smile. In that moment I understood how she felt and I was right there with her!

'Go Avril!'