Lifestory

I wasn't thinking of anything or anyone particular, when this poem occurred to me, or maybe I was and just didn't know it! Now that I read it, I think I must have been thinking of my Mom & my Granny - both women I love and admire immensely but don't often let it show! Role models in every way. Women of independent spirit - wise, brave, opinionated, strong, kind, elegant and graced with dignity.

Aai & Mamma, this one is for you...

Lifestory

Today, I met a woman,
Her head bowed in grace,
Quiet eyes and gentle sighs,
Solitude lined her face.

I watched her move mountains,
Her back straight and proud,
Her long and restless fingers,
Often caressed my brow.

Marriages and children,
Family and friends,
Shadows on her gentle face,
Alone in the end.

Years of wisdom wrapped in love,
Journeying stormy seas,
Beauty and courage on wings of a dove,
Her spirit forever free.


- Harsha

Mabuhay!

She arrives Monday! My new live-in helper from the Phillipines. I have butterflies in my stomach and I don't mean in a fluttery, delicate way!! Oh no - more like giant moths - beating their wings with frantic energy, looking for a way out of a roomful of darkness and closed windows! I hate moths.

Why am I so nervous? I've never had a live-in helper in ALL of my adult life! The last time I lived with one, was as a college student, when Savita, a girl from our village came home and stayed with us until we married her off! She was family - in the manner in which long-standing helpers become family, irritatingly familiar and familiarly irritating! But that I was a lifetime ago, when I was young college student, immersed in my own world and oblivious to all else - certainly home and hearth were farthest from my mind!

Now however - I have metamorphosed into a rather house-proud home-owner. I like things just so, that's not to say I'm fussy or a 'dragon' in the home, but well, it's my house and I like things a certain way! Surely that's not being unreasonable? But now that she will be here - touching my things, sharing my space & life - I'm beginning to wonder...will I cope? will she like me? will I like her? how will I deal with the loss of privacy? will she learn to cook? will she make my morning cuppa, just so? will she break my stuff? will I manage to be kind and firm at the same time? Scary stuff!!

Don't know the answers yet, only time will tell. It's rather like courtship really -tentative and confusing at first, each on tenterhooks - pondering the right words to say, the right tone to use. For now, I'm hopeful, getting ready to 'do the dance!'

And so I say to her...Welcome,"Mabuhay"!

* After I wrote this, I came to understand that she has not cleared an essential English exam and must go back to the Philippines before she can come back and take the exam again. Though a part of me is relieved, another is sadly confused - despite all my misgivings, I guess I was looking forward to her helping hand!

'Fasting, Feasting'

The title, readers among you might recognize, as the title of an Anita Desai novel, a finalist for the 1999 Booker Prize. I've borrowed it because, having just got back from a magical reading of passages from the same by Anita herself, I'm absolutely 'floored'! Sorry, wanted to be very literary and use elegant language, but 'floored' just best describes how I feel right now, not delighted or fascinated or awestruck - although I feel all that too!

My dear friend (to whom I am eternally grateful!) had an extra invite to the event and since we're both bookworms, she took me along. I haven't read Anita Desai, so I had no expectations. I googled her to get a bit of background and not be the only entirely ignorant reader at the event! (God Bless Google!) That was the extent of my preparation.

The event was held at the Pod on the 16th storey of The Singapore National Library, a venue that was stunningly appropriate for the evening as it turned out. A wide circular room, with glass walls that allowed expansive vistas of the Singapore skyline and river. For once, I was glad for the rain that had thankfully petered to a light misty drizzle and as the evening progressed and the lights came on, contributed to the magical aura of the setting.

There were a few speeches to begin the evening, that I happily pass over and then at last she began to read. As I write, I can still hear her quietly forceful voice in my head. Not particularly loud, yet effectively nuanced and incisive. She transported me and the rest of the attentive audience, straight into Uma's world, minutes into the reading. When she read the passage where the protagonist Uma is on display to a prospective bridegroom - the whole audience was laughing! When she told how the same bridegroom asked for Uma's younger sister Aruna's hand instead of hers, we empathized with Uma's pain and disappointment, felt her mother's anger. Poignantly funny, I think we all recognized the Uma in ourselves, deeply hidden yet strangely familiar. I wanted her never to stop and I could see many around me similarly affected!

I will always remember her in black and white. A striking persona resulting from an elegantly dignified blend of her mixed parentage and wisdom, in a beautiful black and white mekhla, long silver earrings, with her silvery gray hair in a large bun and the glasses perched on her nose. I could gush on and on, about her simple yet emphatic language, her clarity of thought, her dry wit and her general poise and grace - but I think you get the picture!

I was 'floored' by the reading, borrowed my friend's copy of the book instantly and am off to read it right now!

"Happy Reading" fellow bookworms!

'Sanctuary'

Today was another one of those days, when I spent a zillion hours talking on the phone! My head is still spinning from all the talk (not that I didn't enjoy every minute!). Is that why I thought of a quiet space - a retreat, a haven, a sanctuary? I'm not sure - it just kind of came to me. I guess my 'self' knows what I need and when, better than I ever will!

So here goes...

Deep within my quiet heart,
Is a safe and gentle place,
Where I retreat to hurt and heal,
In my secret, personal space.

Here I am nurtured when I break,
Cherished, harboured from disgrace,
Here I find my missing sparkle,
In Love's warm, tender embrace.

Here my spirit comes to be tended,
Lovingly made strong and whole,
Here my soul comes to be mended,
Blessed, nourished and extolled.

In this blissful peace of mind,
I find my heaven, haven I find,
Solitude and benediction,
My sanctuary, My conviction.

- Harsha

Lightning Strikes Twice!!

Yesterday I watched in complete awe and disbelief as Usain Bolt smashed Michael Johnson's long-standing world record in the 200 metres. When asked before the race, whether he thought Bolt would break his record, CNN reported that Michael Johnson 'didn't think Bolt was ready yet.' And yet there he was - Mr. Lightning, making it look ridiculously easy, effortlessly relaxed - a Michael Phelps of the Athletics world!

What an ATHLETE!! And funny too - after winning, he pulled off his glittering gold sneakers (never seen anything like them before!), draped the Jamaican flag around that tall, sinewy frame and did his funky chicken dance - almost as good as the actual run if not better ;-) The crowd adored him and he obviously enjoys being in the spotlight! A born performer!

I had watched him set the track ablaze when he set a new world record in the 100 metres to become the 'fastest man on the planet' but then to do the double, let me channel Mr. Reshamiyya here, SUPERB!! AMAZING!! FANTASTIC!! MIND BLOWING!!

He ran the 100 metres in 9.69 seconds and the 200 metres in 19.30 seconds!! I mean what is 10 sec for Pete's sake? I get up in the morning and stretch for a whole minute before I can even contemplate moving, forget run anywhere! It got me to thinking - what CAN I do in 10 sec? Hmm....let me think...yawn - yup can do a 10 sec and a 20 sec yawn comfortably - in fact am pretty good at that! Wonder if they have an Olympic medal for yawning! Surf 20 TV channels -such a useful skill, believe me! Blink rapidly about 15 times (yes I really did time myself!) - very easy, entirely useless and utterly boring! Click my fingers 8 times, get the treadmill started - yeah, I think I can manage to do that in 10 sec...

Today he turns 22 - and what a way to celebrate! World and Olympic record holder in the double, the first man in history to break both world records at one Olympics, and the first man to win both the 100 and 200 metres events at the same Olympics since Carl Lewis in 1984!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR.BOLT - MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU!!

Confessions of an amateur gardener...

Let me confess straight up front that I do NOT have a green thumb. I've lost count of the many hapless plants I've killed over the years! Don't get me wrong - I don't set out with murderous intentions, but old habits die hard and after the first few weeks of enthusiastic watering, fertilizing and protecting with insecticides...laziness takes over with a vengeance! Everyday, I think to myself, 'I'll water them tomorrow. Plants don't need to be watered everyday anyways, they might die from water logging.' And 'Tomorrow' being what it is, never comes! I move on to more pressing matters, like watching TV, eating, sleeping etc...and by the time I remember to water them again, there they are poor souls ('coz really, how do we know they don't have souls!) starved to death, leaves burnt to a crisp, soil dry, all imaginary hopes of recovery on my part cruelly dashed!!

So there it is - I confess - I suck at gardening and now I have nowhere to hide! And yet, since I possess an abundantly optimistic spirit (friends and family have accused me of this over the years!!) I don't give up easily. This is not a bad quality to possess unless coupled with a slowness to recognize and accept one's faults. Together however, they can spell disaster! Since I suffer from this tragic coupling, it means I have to repeat my mistakes many times over, before I let go - and so the murders continue!! Did I mention I used to be a doctor??!

Well, in my spirit of never giving up - I went to a class on orchid-growing a year ago, all enthused and as always determined that 'This time will be different!' The class was great, actually fantastic, because I found a plant that was tailor-made for enthusiastically lazy gardeners like moi - the Orchid! Singapore's national flower needs very little watering, in fact it needs very little care of any kind :) I remember feeling hope bloom, when we were informed, 'This plant is one of the few plants that actually thrives if not watered regularly, once a week or even once in 10 days is fine.' 'Aha!' I thought, 'What could be better?'

And so I went on an orchid-buying spree - red, white, purple, the works!! A year of happy neglect later, I had managed to kill all but one tiny little orchid plant, which I assumed would never grow let alone flower. And yet, one fine day, there it was! A beautiful single orchid bloom on that tiny plant!! I was I must confess rather embarrassingly ecstatic and rushed to get the camera and take a few dozen pictures of the poor flower! Orchid blooms last a long time - a few weeks at least - and I gaze at it every day like a proud parent!

And now, I need to go buy some more plants! After all, my little flower could do with some company and I am nothing if not persistent.

This time Will be different!!

The New Big B! Really?

Thanks to Kaustubh for letting me know that 25 yr old Abhinav Bindra had won the first EVER individual Olympic Gold for India!! It came as a wonderfully unexpected bolt from the blue! I was ecstatic!

I wasn't watching his event - didn't even know it existed! Frankly, I didn't think India had any medal hopes, was really pissed off at the Hockey team for failing to qualify and so was caught off-guard! But now let me say, CONGRATULATIONS ABHINAV - YOU DID US PROUD!!

I like this young man - all of 25, he impressed me with his calm and self-assurance. It was as if his victory had been a forgone conclusion and not the result of a hard, well fought battle! His rather stoic appearance, brightened only by the broad grin on the podium! His sister later said in an interview, that he had always been a dedicated, focused, reserved sort of child, not given to open displays of emotion but determined to do his country proud in his chosen area of expertise. Well he certainly did! Here's to many more Days of Glory!

In true Bollywood style, the media was all over his house, his family, his friends, his hometown...interviewing all and sundry. As I watched Indians all over the country send in their Congratulations, I couldn't help wondering how long it would last - this euphoria of an Olympic Gold. Would it really make any dent in India's long-standing apathy toward a sport other than cricket? Truth be told - I don't think so. I did a little research on Mr.Bindra and he is not representative of the average Indian. He comes from an affluent family with the luxury of a rifle range in his backyard! Unlike most talented sports persons in India, he was not at the mercy of the sports bureaucracy that I often feel exists, only to confer awards on sportsmen and women who triumph despite them rather than because of them!

I remember a time when Paes and Bhupati were doing well in tennis, when Rathore won silver at Athens or when Narayan Kartikeyan and Sania Mirza first erupted onto the scene, there was much hope then that these sportsmen and their successes would spur the development of non-cricket sports in India, but I haven't seen that happen! Sadly, Hockey once a source of much pride and joy (still our national game for reasons unknown!) continues its abysmal decline in the face of much political scheming and in-fighting.

Why is it that in a country of 1.1 billion, only one sport is revered beyond every other, even when India is at best, mediocre at it? I guess - that is the million or shall I say billion dollar question! Why is it that India - once Olympic hockey champions are now unable even to qualify? Sport demands high levels of dedication and fitness from players but they also need modern infrastructure and sponsor support to train effectively and earn a living while doing so, since most athletes have short careers and are at a high risk of injury. I think China has shown the world, how it should be done over the last few decades and as a result been increasingly rewarded for their hard work and commitment to excellence in recent years.

While I hope that this latest Olympic Gold will indeed make a difference in the Indian sporting scene - my gut tells me that is unlikely. Public memory is fickle. This will most likely be another one of those 'flash-in-the-pan' events, much loved but soon forgotten and eventually relegated to dinner table chit-chat among sports enthusiasts.

This time, as before, I look forward to being wrong.


* Title inspired by Dr.U.N Gaitonde urf Mamaji!

China, Shining!

On the most auspicious 8th day of the 8th month of the 8th year at 8.08pm, Beijing kicked off the 2008 Olympiad with a 'GRAND EXTRAVAGANZA!!'.

Not being a very keen sports enthusiast, I wasn't really interested and when I heard that these Olympics are being hosted at a cost of upwards of US$40 billion, I was flabbergasted and critical of China. But, Friday night and nothing much to do - so we sat down to watch and boy am I glad we did!!

Where do I begin? The spectacular display of fireworks throughout the ceremony; thousands of drummers moving as one, every angle perfect, every note harmonious; the giant scroll unfurling on centre stage and dancers turning it into a work of art with their inked hands, while fairies (suspended from the heavens) moved serenely high above them. My jaws dropped watching the perfectly choreographed printing demonstration, while thousands of monks danced with their bamboo scrolls. Such perfect synchrony, had me convinced, the whole piece was mechanized - until lo and behold, at the very end, thousands of young men threw off their costumes and waved excitedly to the crowd!!

The list is endless - whether it was the vivid pageantry, the astronauts, the huge Globe with travellers circling it in mid-air, the maritime scenes with colourful rowers in ship formations, children singing and dancing, haunting music and scintillating lights - it was picture perfect!! The spectacular display took us down a journey of 5000 years of Chinese civilization in the space of 2 hours - and showcased some major Chinese inventions - gunpowder, ink painting, printing and the compass!

China's moment had arrived and how!! As I watched awe-struck, the last torch bearer, Li Ning, a famous gymnast rose majestically bird-like into the air, blazing a fiery trail until at last the Olympic Torch lit up in all its magnificent glory!! (Am in danger of running out of adjectives here!) The Bird's Nest stadium lit up like a jewel, in the light of the shining Torch and a multitude of fireworks! What an achievement!!

I remember Pramod Mahajan's campaign for the BJP in the last Indian General Election - 'India Shining'. Watching the glorious trail-blazing spectacle that Beijing put on for the world yesterday, I realized how far India has to travel to get to the 'S' in 'Shining!! We are so similar in so many ways and yet what a difference government makes! I'm not condoning the Chinese Government's dictatorial style of functioning nor their poor human rights record - but the fact is - they get the job done and yesterday they surpassed I'm sure, even their own high expectations. They certainly surpassed mine!

But it's the people that I most admire - for the true pride they have in their country and its achievements and the sacrifices they are willing to make to turn dreams into reality. In my opinion, India and Indians lack that - we too have a glorious heritage but not much pride in it, me included unfortunately. I expect the Government to do everything and then crib when it doesn't.

But the truth is - a country is its people. And yesterday's Ceremony was a testament to the persistence, hard-work, dedication and spirit of a billion plus Chinese - Hats Off China! Take a Bow!

Sugar & Spice!

This morning I spent two happy hours with a dear friend. While we caught up, her daughter and two friends played together as only 9 yr old girls can :)

These are the last few days before school begins and their single-minded focus on pleasure and enjoyment was delightful! They were excited and happy to be with each other and it showed! No pretense here! They sang, danced, watched DVDs, ate enormous quantities of food and squealed with joy while doing so! It was enchantingly refreshing! Girl-power at its sweetest best!

Watching them brought back fond memories of my own childhood (so long ago!) Oh to be that carefree and innocent again! I wish them many more such days filled with the innocent joys of childhood - song and dance, food and friends, parties and sleepovers, soft toys and bicycles, Hannah Montana and High School Musical...and yes a bit of school too ;-)

When I said goodbye, they were all cuddled up in my friend's four-poster watching a movie and a long-forgotten but familiar rhyme resonated somewhere within...

"What are little girls made of?

Sugar and spice, and everything nice,

That's what little girls are made of!"

...Indeed!

Choices...

Let me say at the very outset that I am pro-choice, so if you are not, maybe you shouldn't read further. On the other hand, maybe you should read on, to try and understand another perspective. The choice is yours.

And isn't that what life is all about really - Choices? When every human being has the 'freedom of choice', that, in my opinion, is true Freedom.

Two days ago, the Mumbai High Court struck down the Mehtas' petition to abort a 25 week old foetus that has a high chance of being born with a serious congenital heart defect that will probably compromise that entire family's long-term quality of life and perhaps the baby's very survival. The judges based their decision on the present laws in India (which disallow abortion beyond 20 weeks unless there is a proven risk to either/or the mother's and baby's life) and the testimony of medical experts.

Medical opinions during this hearing have been confusing to say the least! Initially they said chances of the baby's survival were slim at best with a pacemaker and major life-threatening surgery required and then they said there was not enough risk to either the baby's or mother's life to justify an abortion! I'm still wondering what the truth is!

Anyone that has trained as a doctor knows that medicine is at best an inexact science. Anything is possible, some things are more probable than others and nothing is absolute. Although science continues to progress rapidly, we are far from a complete understanding of the human body and in many cases doctors are rather like mathematicians, advising patients on probability and risk and since they are only human, mistakes happen. A complete turnaround of this sort however, just makes me begin to wonder at the 'expertise' of such experts!

I could not find the name of the exact congenital heart disease that the Mehta baby has (there is a wide spectrum) mentioned anywhere but from the descriptions offered in the media, it doesn't look too good for the baby or the parents. I am not a parent yet, however as a doctor and paediatrician, I understand how frustrating it must be for parents to try and make a decision when all they have are numbers - a 1%chance of this or a 5% chance of that. It is not a situation I would want to be in and I commend the Mehtas for the courage they have shown in making, what must be a heart-breaking decision and then for going about it in the proper legal way. I cannot say with any confidence that I would have had the strength and courage they have shown.

Given the medical opinions and the laws today, there could not have been any other verdict, unless the courts had shown foresight, but the Indian justice system is archaic and sluggish at best, certainly not progressive. Perhaps this case will serve as an impetus for change. The case was, as is typical in India nowadays, covered with a fiendish frenzy in the media. Since everyone with a brain has an opinion a vociferous national debate ensued, which in my opinion is the only good thing to come out of this mess so far.

I feel deeply for first-time parents, Niketa and Haresh. It is a trying time for them - handling the diagnosis, coming to a decision, dealing with the media circus and being judged by all and sundry. This episode has not only caused them grief in the present but has assured that they will remain under scrutiny for the rest of the pregnancy and certainly after the baby is born. The whole of India will now be watching their every move!

I have read a lot of comments both for and against the Mehtas' choice. I am pro-choice as I said in the very beginning and so I support Niketa Mehta's right to make her choice, any choice, right or wrong, is not for me to judge. This is a very personal decision based on their life, their beliefs and their recognition of their ability to deal with the consequences of that decision.

Since every situation is unique, it's pointless to argue with those who presume to understand what the Mehtas feel or are going through, unless they have dealt with a similar issue in their own lives. I firmly believe that you can never know how you will react in a crisis, let alone anyone else.

The Mehtas have been accused of everything, from being publicity hounds, to wanting to abort the baby because they found out it was a girl or because it is not perfect. Don't all parents dream of a 'perfect child'? Is there something wrong about wanting the best, striving for the best? As a race we are continuously trying to better ourselves and our world - I always thought that was what set us apart from animals!

Others say they have no right to make a decision on behalf of their baby - this I find laughable, simply because parents make decisions for their children all the time! I don't here any complaints when parents choose schools, colleges, friends, professions and even spouses for their children! Surely these choices change their children's lives profoundly and yet at such times I hear the phrase 'Parents know what is best for their children!' or 'You are too young to know what's good for you!' bandied around regularly! Why then the sudden change when the baby is still in utero? Do parents morph into evil, conniving, selfish beings during pregnancy, thinking only of themselves with no regard for the life they have created together?

I wonder, how many people will rush to help the Mehtas, if the baby is indeed born with the defect and has a poor quality of life? And I am not talking financial help -that's the easy part - I am talking volunteering time to provide the Mehtas much needed support and respite from the gruelling routine of looking after a special needs child. Not many, I don't think. And no, I don't see God descending from the heavens to care for them any time soon either! I have faith but I also believe 'God helps those who help themselves'.

I have a physically challenged sibling and it has dramatically changed the way we live our life as a family. Did we ask for it? Of course not! Are we dealing with it? Yes, to the best of our abilities. Do we wish things were different? Every second of every day. Can I imagine life without my brother - Hell No! The physical, emotional and mental stress of taking care of a special needs child, is exacting on their caregivers, especially in a country like India, where life is a daily struggle even for 'normal' people. It is a tough life with much joy yes, but also many concerns for the future. I know this concern is not unique to parents of a special needs child but they do have a unique set of problems to deal with, in addition to everything else.

Does that mean all parents faced with the Mehtas' situation will make the same decision they did - of course not! People chose differently in similar situations, driven by their own life experiences. But what is crucial, is that they have the right to make that choice without being publicly judged.

Some argue that had the Court ruled in favour of the abortion, it would have opened the floodgates to other couples who would then pick and choose the pregnancies they wanted to keep based on other more trivial criteria. Perhaps that is true. But in my opinion that says more about people than it does about the system.

In my career as a doctor, where I have seen 'loving' parents refuse to donate minuscule amounts of blood for their babies asking me to "Please buy some blood, doctor. We will pay whatever the cost!" I have also seen devoted parents caring tirelessly for their sick children.

The Mehtas' made a choice. In my opinion it was their choice to make. The only reason we are even discussing it today, is because they chose to do it legally and in the public eye. And yet, isn't that the whole point 'freedom of choice'? One size does not fit all and there is no right or wrong - just ordinary people, doing what they think is best at the time, to the best of their ability. Who can ask for more?

I wish the Mehta family strength, stamina and courage for what lies ahead.

Friendship Day!

Friendship Day is apparently celebrated on the first Sunday in August every year! I was of course blissfully unaware of this fact until my bro wished me. (Aseem what would I do without you ;) I got to thinking about it and realized I'm really not a 'Day' kind of person! I mean I have enough trouble remembering Birthdays and Anniversaries as it is - without adding on a whole other list of 'Days' to remember!

Don't get me wrong - I am all for Love & Friendship and my friends are very dear to me EVERYDAY!! I guess I'm just not the kind of girl that will send cards that say so :P Maybe it has to do with a combination of laziness, advancing age and the fact my failing memory rebels when I tax it with inane details ;)

Back, way back, when I was a kid - we didn't have Friendship Day and though Valentine's Day was celebrated it was nowhere near the circus it is today, stirring up political protests almost every year! In my time I guess political parties had better things to do than protest a celebration of Love! Growing up in Goa, I remember the annual 'Red and Black' dance held on Valentine's Day at Club National, was a popular event. But that was about it! And us kids just wished each other! Sweet and simple! No pressure!

Over the years, I've watched Valentine's Day became big business, followed by Mother's Day, Father's Day and now Friendship Day. I have no problem with the basic idea, which I hope and suppose is to honour people and relationships, rather with the commercial aspect that encourages one to buy that special gift, send that special card or feel like a loser! I admit, it may seem like an over-reaction, after all one can choose to ignore these 'Days' and go on with life as usual - but that can be hard to do with the crazy in-your-face marketing, especially for the younger generation.

Also, who decides these 'Days' anyways? I mean why should the first Sunday in August be Friendship Day? Why can't it be the last Sunday in June? What difference does it make? Most of these 'Days' are decided by gift and greeting card companies to increase their sales - and boy have they been successful!

If online websites are anything to go by, everyday is some this or that day!
I went to one popular website and found that every day has more than one significant event marking it!

Some are cute, Aug 4 - Champagne Day also Picnic Day, Aug 6 - Pamper Yourself Day, Aug 8 - Happiness Happens Day.
Some wacky, Aug 3 - Grab Some Nuts Day, Aug 6 - Try Hypnosis Day and Wiggle Your Toes Day, Aug 10 - Lazy Day (love this one), Aug 16 - Roller Coaster Day and some just plain weird, Aug 2 - Mustard Day, Aug 5 - Blackmail Day, Aug 8 - Refrigerator Day to name just a few!

So guys go wish your fridge a happy day today before it loses its temper and floods your kitchen! After all even machines deserve a load of TLC ;-)

Oh and to all my friends (you know who you are!) "Happy Friendship Day, Week, Month and Year Always & Forever!!"

There that should cover me for life!